Are You Man Enough for DCK?

In an ongoing effort to find an equal I will be posting a series of questionnaires to help in that quest. How many there ultimately will be depends solely on how well I am able to amuse myself.  So do you think you have what it takes….
Questionnaire # 1: The Deal Breakers
Q1) Do you have a job? a car? a place of your own?
Answer:
If Yes (to all)—good for you. You are an adult. Continue to #2
If No (to any) –I am sorry. I am sure there are plenty of bottom feeders out there for someone like you. Move along, maybe go home to momma. To quote you (I imagine), “I have nothing for you.”

Q2) Do you like children? Specifically 4 children that aren’t yours and are A LOT like me—loud, outspoken, and too damn smart for their own good.

Answer:
If No—I understand completely but I am looking more for a take-home-to-the-family-type guy. My boy toy roster is filled at the present time so please leave your name and number and don’t call me… I’ll call you…
If Yes–Really?! Are you stupid or something? I doubt you even know what you agreed to. You made the cut THIS time but I got my eye on you. I wouldn’t slip up so easily again if I were you. Continue to #3.

Q3) Do you now or have you at any point ever in your adult life used these words (or similar phrases) as your defense in an argument with your significant other: “How was I supposed to know? You didn’t tell me better.”

Answer:
If yes—well I’m telling you now then. Grow the fuck up and use your mind, asshole.  I didn’t magically gain the knowledge of knowing better and now have to bestow it upon you before I can hold you responsible for the dumbass shit that you do.  That is not how it works, so this is goodbye for you.
If No—BULLSHIT! But I’ll give you the benefit of “doubt” this time. Continue to questionnaire #2 

Questionnaire #2: True/False If you made it through the deal breakers the following 5 true or false questions are designed to determine if you know what the hell you are in for. It is highly recommended that you pass (3 out of 5) but not required.
1) True or False. DCK is a good trash talker.
2) True or False. DCK believes everything she says.
3) True or False. DCK is difficult– a “my-way-or-the highway” drama queen, a dominatrix, or any similar crazy ass girlfriend type.
4) True or False. DCK has an inflated ego.
5) True or False. DCK is one scary bitch.
Answers:
  • 1) FALSE — It’s not trash when it’s truth. Deal with it.
  • 2) TRUE– I mean every last word. Even my lies tell the truth…
  • 3) FALSE—I am the most laid back easy-going person you will ever have the luck of knowing. Live your life and I will live mine. If you don’t want to be on equal ground then I am not the one for you. I don’t give a rat’s fucking ass whose numbers you have in your phone. I will never ask or want your Facebook password; I will never “make” you drop your friends or your interests to fill my gaping void of need. In return I will never drop my friends or give up my many time-consuming interests. I want to share my life with someone, and to do that I must live it… kinda hard to do with someone’s head up your ass, or vice versa.
  • 4) FALSE— My ego cannot be deflated, ergo it is not inflated.  It is a perfectly healthy, normal sized ego for the woman who it reflects. I will not pretend to be less. I will not limit the definition of who I am/ of who I can be. I do not play coy; I am not humble. I am smart and strong and unapologetic. (..and fucking hot!!! Don’t forget…)
  • 5) FALSE— If this is not blatantly obvious to you, you are out of your league. Go back the kiddie pool/ little league/ farm teams you have accustomed yourself to.
Questionnaire #3: For Shits and Giggles
 
Q1) How many times have you been “in love”? That is to say to how many different women have you said, “I love you” and/or have had it said to you in return? a) 0 to 3 b) 4-8 c) 8+
  • If (a)– you (may or) may not be a smart man but you know what love is. I would hope you have had more than 3 relationships overall, though. I am not looking for some babe in the woods either—you’d get eaten alive.  I am looking for someone balanced, honest about where he is in life, someone comfortable with being alone as he is in casual relationships and serious relationships—knowing the difference but always respecting the friendship regardless.
  • If (b)– what is your problem? Are you fickle maybe. I’ll give you that the first one was probably in high school, and maybe not “real” but it felt real. I’ll even give you that a second one could possibly have been a rebound. So what happened with the third? The fifth? The Eighth? Have you ever heard the term “chasing the dragon”? (I’d imagine this could be more aptly named “chasing the p*ssy”–always chasing that high that love gave you.) Come on, dude, surely you could see what worked, what didn’t. Too dumb to notice? Too lazy to care? Dating little girls who needed to be”loved” and not adult enough to know the joys of simply being “fucked”? Or too much of a child yourself that you needed a girlfriend to validate your worth? Whatever. I suspect you were not falling in love at all but doing something much more ordinary.
  • If (c)— WOW! Lucky you. Every woman you have ever dated has been “the ONE” it seems. That must be one hell of  a trick—you finding everything you want–regardless of what that is–in her and convincing her that you must have just been confused before with what’s her name, you know the one you loved just that month prior, or what’s her face, the one less than two weeks prior to that…. You must be one hell of a charmer. Has anyone ever truly seen you for you or for just what you want them to see? Have you ever once found someone you wanted for themselves or have they all been essentially the lesser of two evils ( evil #1–you alone or evil #2 –you with her) Maybe if you stopped and gave yourself some time, found your backbone, got your balls out of the jar on her nightstand and let them grow back, found yourself and learned to like him… Yeah,yeah I hear you. You like yourself well enough I’m sure, stud, but save your put downs of your exes for someone else. At the end of the day, it’s not them it’s you.

 

So are you man enough?….

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