Drama Queen 12 Step Program
Slowly burn your bridges posting an insult in a Facebook status, comment, and/or meme said to no one in particular but timed strategically to events or worded just right to allude to inside information that the intended target(s) would recognize. (It’s middle school, mean girl bullshit, not rocket science…)
Wait for target(s) to take the bait (i.e. comment) so that you can double burn them with a “why would I be talking about you” and/or “you are full of yourself” and/or “it’s just a funny picture…” and/or “stop looking at my (public) page and delete yourself if you are so butthurt” and/or ”I’m the victim here” drama type response(s).
If/When they don’t take such “clever” bait. Go back to Step 1.
Step it up a notch by bringing your friends in on “veiled” public conversations. “….I can’t believe SOME people….” and mention said person in some specific manner amongst yourselves . Talk about talking about someone. (Who cares who it is. They aren’t in the conversation. Hell, go all out with your bad selves…)
a) Double bonus—not only will it impress upon all 500+ of your friends that you will bad mouth unnamed so and so, but that it is a systematic M.O. amongst those you associate with. (Nothing like the collateral damage of your friends for a show of “strength”)
b) Double double bonus—Never worry when you get called out calling someone something (i.e. “cunt”) when that said someone is not present. Just state that only a hater would assume the worst of your intentions.
i. Begin calling your friends said something (“cunt”)–your new favorite, totally innocent, you-haters-just-obviously-don’t-understand nickname for your best buds.
ii. Be sure to encourage ”thumbs up” when you are called said something (cunt) in return (…because you are one by your own accounts after all).
iii. “LOL” every and all incidences of said something (cunt) word usage to further show how you are NOT the one with the problem.
iv. Because everyone knows the ”c” word is not appreciated enough for the compliment that it is….
Never forget a good offense also includes a good defense. Switch it up every now and then with references to your “haters” and how they motivate you. Including evidence of THEIR “hate” is strictly optional and actually may work against you (…being that it most likely is non existent.) Avoid explanations at all cost.
Post memes of sunrises with Stuart Smalley inspired self esteem quotes to appeal to the un-informed and further victimize you to those that may speak out against your behavior.
Continually work to add minions (I mean friends) to your circle. (see #4 and #8).
Despite your best efforts. Someday someone will trip you up on your own words and you will not have an answer (a direct one anyway). Don’t panic—drop them…and all those that are good friends with them. (…because that’s how adults act). Also do so in a self growth-y, sacrificial status update, and a very public flourish of deleting-fake-butt-hurt-friends-ness. ex. ”I chose to let go of the drama and those that would keep me down yada yada…” (*tear, me*)
Realize to those that are now left in friends list, you have and have had nothing to really say. Ever.
Reinvent yourself with cute baby animal memes. Grumpy cat is a good choice…
**disclaimer–any resemblance to any 30-something-year old person or persons associated with DCK, directly or indirectly, which may or may not have publicly called some (third-party) un-named person a cunt and proceeded to talk about this person in a Facebook post in a manner that pissed off DCK so she may or may not have spoken up about it is merely coincidental. The drama queen behavior after all is nothing special…**